Sunday, December 19, 2010

Checklist for Determining Whether Your Kid’s Picture Should Be on Your Christmas Cards

True or False:

1. I always send out little Bobby’s picture because everyone oohed and aahed over how cute he was on our Christmas cards 15 years ago.

2. Childless people like looking at other people’s kids more, right?

3. My child has an Adam’s apple.

4. My child wears liquid eyeliner.

4a. My child’s eyeliner fully encircles her eyes, including around tear ducts. (+2 pts)

4b. My eyeliner-wearing child is a boy. (+3 pts)

5. As long as little Emma's face is out there, it's just a matter of time till she gets discovered.

6. Seeing my adorable kid could help my sister realize what she’s missing -- before it’s too late.

7. (New Englanders only) If we don’t send out our annual shot of Jimmy in his Red Sox cap, jersey, headband, and wristbands, how else will people know he supports the team?

8. If I have to look at my brother’s ugly kids every year, you better believe he's going to look at mine.

9. No one can tell that’s a booger hanging off his nose, right?

10. If you can think of a better way to show off her "Little House on the Prairie" costume, I’d like to hear it.

Scoring: Add up affirmative responses.
1 to 3: You’re the reason the rest of us own paper shredders.
4 to 7: Two words: tubal ligation.
8 or higher: Child Services is en route to your house.

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