Changed to ...
"The collection will be on display in the main pavilion."
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Copy Edit du Jour
"A display of the collection will be on site in the main pavilion"
Changed to ...
"The collection will be on display in the main pavilion."
Changed to ...
"The collection will be on display in the main pavilion."
Saturday, December 10, 2011
How to Tell If You're a 'Real Writer'
These days, everyone’s a writer. Advances in technology have allowed anyone with a keyboard and a traumatic childhood to claim the title of “published writer.” Of course, this has frustrated “real writers” who believe they shouldn’t be clumped in with the high school sophomore who made $11.50 in Amazon Associates income by blogging “gott my period 2day LOL.” But what, exactly, separates the “real writers” from heartsick middle-schoolers, illiterate manifesto writers, and Dean Koontz?
Prominent scienticians have recently isolated some unique characteristics of true wordsmiths. Based on their findings, here’s how to tell – once and for all –if you’re a “real writer.”
1. Your mother keeps mailing you study guides for the Civil Service exam.
2. You’re no longer slave to the arbitrary social constructs that separate pajama pants from real pants.
3. Your friends all know you mean it when you say, “Don’t get me started on Dan Brown.”
4. You’re out of cat litter (nonfiction writers).
5. You’re out of vermouth (literary fiction writers).
6. You’re out of Nicorette (crime fiction writers).
7. You’re never out of Paxil (romance writers).
8. Your creativity informs every aspect of your life, especially your tax returns.
9. You qualify as “extremely liberal” on free speech, deadlines, and food expiration dates.
10. You qualify as “extremely conservative” on speech in the form of Amazon user reviews.
11. You use the phrase “lost sense of community” a lot, but you’re usually talking to your dog.
12. Your pristine copy of The Collected Works of Shakespeare is prominently displayed on your bookshelf.
13. Your decaying, bathtub-splashed Stieg Larsson paperbacks are stashed under your futon.
14. You haven’t read a book since 1998 (screenwriters).
15. You have attempted to calculate J.K. Rowling’s royalty income.
16. Your math skills rendered this task impossible.
17. You’re trying to copyright your recipe for ranch dressing on stale saltines.
18. You have worked the word “factotum” into a conversation (literary writers).
19. You have worked the word “gams” into a conversation (noir writers).
20. You have worked the words “my place” into a conversation (romance writers).
21. You have worked the word “loan” into a conversation (all writers).
22. You laughed when a friend gave you scratch tickets for Christmas, then hastily disappeared into the bathroom with a quarter (a borrowed quarter).
23. You love the Kindle, you fear the Kindle.
24. You consider a shower to be foreplay.
25. You consider a wet washcloth to be a shower.
26. When you say “my doctor,” you mean Dr. Oz.
27. You feel closer to your protagonist than even to the girl across the street with the really sheer drapes.
28. You spend six hours a day tweeting about how you should spend more time blogging.
Prominent scienticians have recently isolated some unique characteristics of true wordsmiths. Based on their findings, here’s how to tell – once and for all –if you’re a “real writer.”
1. Your mother keeps mailing you study guides for the Civil Service exam.
2. You’re no longer slave to the arbitrary social constructs that separate pajama pants from real pants.
3. Your friends all know you mean it when you say, “Don’t get me started on Dan Brown.”
4. You’re out of cat litter (nonfiction writers).
5. You’re out of vermouth (literary fiction writers).
6. You’re out of Nicorette (crime fiction writers).
7. You’re never out of Paxil (romance writers).
8. Your creativity informs every aspect of your life, especially your tax returns.
9. You qualify as “extremely liberal” on free speech, deadlines, and food expiration dates.
10. You qualify as “extremely conservative” on speech in the form of Amazon user reviews.
11. You use the phrase “lost sense of community” a lot, but you’re usually talking to your dog.
12. Your pristine copy of The Collected Works of Shakespeare is prominently displayed on your bookshelf.
13. Your decaying, bathtub-splashed Stieg Larsson paperbacks are stashed under your futon.
14. You haven’t read a book since 1998 (screenwriters).
15. You have attempted to calculate J.K. Rowling’s royalty income.
16. Your math skills rendered this task impossible.
17. You’re trying to copyright your recipe for ranch dressing on stale saltines.
18. You have worked the word “factotum” into a conversation (literary writers).
19. You have worked the word “gams” into a conversation (noir writers).
20. You have worked the words “my place” into a conversation (romance writers).
21. You have worked the word “loan” into a conversation (all writers).
22. You laughed when a friend gave you scratch tickets for Christmas, then hastily disappeared into the bathroom with a quarter (a borrowed quarter).
23. You love the Kindle, you fear the Kindle.
24. You consider a shower to be foreplay.
25. You consider a wet washcloth to be a shower.
26. When you say “my doctor,” you mean Dr. Oz.
27. You feel closer to your protagonist than even to the girl across the street with the really sheer drapes.
28. You spend six hours a day tweeting about how you should spend more time blogging.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Copy Edit du Jour
What's more -- aside from a specialized curriculum -- private schools are notoriously known for their smaller classrooms.
Changed to:
Private schools are known for their smaller class sizes.
(Other bad choices aside, I can't BELIEVE the writer used "notoriously known" -- and for something positive, no less. That's the kind of thing I might make up as a ridiculous example of a bad adverb/flabby writing.)
Changed to:
Private schools are known for their smaller class sizes.
(Other bad choices aside, I can't BELIEVE the writer used "notoriously known" -- and for something positive, no less. That's the kind of thing I might make up as a ridiculous example of a bad adverb/flabby writing.)
Friday, October 14, 2011
Copy Edit du Jour
"Our office handles a full range of podiatric needs including sports medicine and deformities of the foot such as Bunions, Hammertoes and Neuromas."
Changed to:
"... bunions, hammertoes and neuromas."
Classic example of overuse of capitals. Though I almost like the idea of Hammertoes as a proper name - a former ballet dancer turned hard-boiled detective? (Couldn't be any worse that the current prime-time lineup.)
Changed to:
"... bunions, hammertoes and neuromas."
Classic example of overuse of capitals. Though I almost like the idea of Hammertoes as a proper name - a former ballet dancer turned hard-boiled detective? (Couldn't be any worse that the current prime-time lineup.)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
10 Signs the Online Article You're Reading Is Completely Devoid of Substance
As you know, substantiveness is all about substance. And that’s exactly what we’re seeking every time we click an enticing headline from AOL News or Yahoo! Health or CNN Money – meatiness, meat, carne.
But too often, the popular online articles that lure us in with headlines promising interesting facts contain only facts that are kind of interesting or interesting things that are not really facts or factual things that aren’t terribly interesting or things we already knew but didn’t know we knew because they were presented to us as things we didn’t know. The result? We’re left disappointed by the articles’ utter insubstantiveness and shocking lack of substance.
I, for one, like many, for example, possibly you, have wasted many a half-hour chunk of time reading about how to pare down my leg-shaving expenses, interpret my cat’s nonverbal cues, and take 10 years off my earlobes. Luckily, the time wasted usually belongs to an employer and not to us. Nonetheless, it's time you could have spent learning how to gauge the power of your own handshake or channel Warren Buffet or paint on the perfect eyeliner “cat eyes.” So here are 10 surefire signs that the article you’re reading is a pile of hooey not worth the precious time you’ve stolen from your employer.
1. The article begins with “as you know.”
2. The article that begins with “as you know” follows up by stating something you know.
3. The bulk of the information is conveyed through images of beautiful married twentysomethings under the covers or Photoshopped blueberries.
4. The article’s best money-saving tip is “don’t spend money.”
5. The article’s best weight-loss tip is “don’t eat.”
6. A little math reveals that the article is telling you to eat 48 shiitake mushrooms and eight pounds of wild salmon a day and wash it all down with four gallons of green tea.
7. The sole source quoted in the article is credentialed as “resident” or “laid-off employment counselor” or “Fox News analyst.”
8. The article is written in the first person by someone you’ve never heard of but is proud she no longer spends $480 a month on NetFlix.
9. The article contains a numbered list.
10. The list of tips is a nice round number like 10, even though the writer clearly ran out of material at 9.
But too often, the popular online articles that lure us in with headlines promising interesting facts contain only facts that are kind of interesting or interesting things that are not really facts or factual things that aren’t terribly interesting or things we already knew but didn’t know we knew because they were presented to us as things we didn’t know. The result? We’re left disappointed by the articles’ utter insubstantiveness and shocking lack of substance.
I, for one, like many, for example, possibly you, have wasted many a half-hour chunk of time reading about how to pare down my leg-shaving expenses, interpret my cat’s nonverbal cues, and take 10 years off my earlobes. Luckily, the time wasted usually belongs to an employer and not to us. Nonetheless, it's time you could have spent learning how to gauge the power of your own handshake or channel Warren Buffet or paint on the perfect eyeliner “cat eyes.” So here are 10 surefire signs that the article you’re reading is a pile of hooey not worth the precious time you’ve stolen from your employer.
1. The article begins with “as you know.”
2. The article that begins with “as you know” follows up by stating something you know.
3. The bulk of the information is conveyed through images of beautiful married twentysomethings under the covers or Photoshopped blueberries.
4. The article’s best money-saving tip is “don’t spend money.”
5. The article’s best weight-loss tip is “don’t eat.”
6. A little math reveals that the article is telling you to eat 48 shiitake mushrooms and eight pounds of wild salmon a day and wash it all down with four gallons of green tea.
7. The sole source quoted in the article is credentialed as “resident” or “laid-off employment counselor” or “Fox News analyst.”
8. The article is written in the first person by someone you’ve never heard of but is proud she no longer spends $480 a month on NetFlix.
9. The article contains a numbered list.
10. The list of tips is a nice round number like 10, even though the writer clearly ran out of material at 9.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Wonderings and Googlings: Wherein I wonder about words, then I Google them
I'm no spring chicken = 647,000 hits
I'm a spring chicken = 18,000 hits
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
How to Speak Elevator
Welcome, visitors to the United States! While you’re here, you’ll probably have lots of opportunities to ride American elevators. Don’t worry! Navigating them is easy with this handy guide:
HOW TO SPEAK ELEVATOR
1 =
Ground floor OR
The first floor above the ground floor OR
The first floor below the ground floor
2 =
Second floor OR
Second floor not counting the ground floor
14 =
14th floor OR
13th floor OR
Certain death
P =
Parking OR
Penthouse OR
Pool OR
Patio OR
Presidential suite OR
Parking level Pink OR
Parking level Purple OR
Parking level Pocahontas OR
P1 =
Up one floor to lowest level of parking structure OR
Up multiple floors to the highest level of parking structure OR
Down one floor to the highest level of subterranean garage OR
Down multiple floors to the lowest level of parking garage OR
G =
Ground floor OR
Garage OR
Goofy
GL =
Same as G
G1 =
Up one floor to lowest level of multi-story parking structure OR
Up multiple floors to highest level of multi-story parking structure OR
Down one floor to nearest level of subterranean parking garage OR
Down multiple floors to lowest level of subterranean parking garage OR
Lowest ground floor of a split-level area OR
Highest ground floor of a split-level area
B =
Basement OR
Balcony OR
Bar
B1 =
Highest underground level OR
Lowest underground level
R =
Roof OR
Reception OR
Rear door open OR
Restaurant level OR
Retail level
F =
Front door open OR
Fitness center OR
First floor OR
Faculty OR
Sound fire alarm
L =
Lower level OR
Lobby OR
Loge OR
Lower level of underground parking OR
Library OR
Lounge
LL =
Lower level OR
Lobby OR
Loge OR
Loge Lounge OR
M =
Mezzanine OR
Maternity ward OR
Men’s department
C =
Casino level OR
Conference center OR
Cosmetics department
Two triangles pointing away from each other =
Open door OR
Close door with a hollow gesture of courtesy to the sprinting passenger you’re slamming the door on
Two triangles pointing toward each other =
Close door OR
Feel like you’re doing something productive as doors continue to close at the same speed they would have had you not pushed the button
Telephone symbol =
Call for help OR
You better have a cell phone because it’s the only way anyone will ever know you’re stuck here
Framed elevator inspection certificate =
This elevator has been inspected for safety within the last 12 months OR
The city official who oversees elevator inspections is blowing his bribe money in the Caribbean OR
Thank you for buying this ACME elevator-ready frame. Place your own certificate here.
HOW TO SPEAK ELEVATOR
1 =
Ground floor OR
The first floor above the ground floor OR
The first floor below the ground floor
2 =
Second floor OR
Second floor not counting the ground floor
14 =
14th floor OR
13th floor OR
Certain death
P =
Parking OR
Penthouse OR
Pool OR
Patio OR
Presidential suite OR
Parking level Pink OR
Parking level Purple OR
Parking level Pocahontas OR
P1 =
Up one floor to lowest level of parking structure OR
Up multiple floors to the highest level of parking structure OR
Down one floor to the highest level of subterranean garage OR
Down multiple floors to the lowest level of parking garage OR
G =
Ground floor OR
Garage OR
Goofy
GL =
Same as G
G1 =
Up one floor to lowest level of multi-story parking structure OR
Up multiple floors to highest level of multi-story parking structure OR
Down one floor to nearest level of subterranean parking garage OR
Down multiple floors to lowest level of subterranean parking garage OR
Lowest ground floor of a split-level area OR
Highest ground floor of a split-level area
B =
Basement OR
Balcony OR
Bar
B1 =
Highest underground level OR
Lowest underground level
R =
Roof OR
Reception OR
Rear door open OR
Restaurant level OR
Retail level
F =
Front door open OR
Fitness center OR
First floor OR
Faculty OR
Sound fire alarm
L =
Lower level OR
Lobby OR
Loge OR
Lower level of underground parking OR
Library OR
Lounge
LL =
Lower level OR
Lobby OR
Loge OR
Loge Lounge OR
M =
Mezzanine OR
Maternity ward OR
Men’s department
C =
Casino level OR
Conference center OR
Cosmetics department
Two triangles pointing away from each other =
Open door OR
Close door with a hollow gesture of courtesy to the sprinting passenger you’re slamming the door on
Two triangles pointing toward each other =
Close door OR
Feel like you’re doing something productive as doors continue to close at the same speed they would have had you not pushed the button
Telephone symbol =
Call for help OR
You better have a cell phone because it’s the only way anyone will ever know you’re stuck here
Framed elevator inspection certificate =
This elevator has been inspected for safety within the last 12 months OR
The city official who oversees elevator inspections is blowing his bribe money in the Caribbean OR
Thank you for buying this ACME elevator-ready frame. Place your own certificate here.
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