I'll be kinda ghosty until perhaps Friday. But before I go, here are some shamelessly pilfered language delights of dubious origin:
Actual Excerpts from Newspaper Classified Sections
Illiterate? Write today for free help.
Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.
We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.
Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.
3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.
Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.
Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.
Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.
Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.
For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.
Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.
And now, the Superstore -- unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.
We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.
Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.
(Pilfered from my e-friend Ericka over at RedRoom.com.