While both Jane Doe and John Public grew up in South Florida, their love story
began in Los Angeles.
This writer managed to use two of my biggest peeves in the first two words of an article!
For one, I hate loose uses of "while." As a synonym for "though" or "although," it can be sloppy and confusing. As for "both," that's more a personal prejudice. Often it's just wasted ink. In the cases in which "both" is useful, like this sentence, writers often put it in a less-than-ideal location. Here's what I did to the passage.
Though Jane Doe and John Public both grew up in South Florida, their love story
began in Los Angeles.
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6 comments:
Is 'both' necessary at all? Even without it, the sentence makes sense to me. Please clarify.
I take out about nine out of 10 "boths." But this one I left to emphasize the individuals. "They grew up in South Florida" sounds like they grew up together. The "both" emphasizes that they had separate childhoods.
Of course, that's purely subjective. A lot of people would say it's better without it! But my default choice, whenever I'm unsure of a change I'd make, is to leave the writer's words as written.
Thanks a lot. I got it. I learnt some editing too, from you.
: )
I enjoyed proof reading, until I had to proof read my own book....what a shambles that was. Because I had written it, I was certainly not the best person to proof it. I should say I'd love you to read it, however, it is the worst (and I mean worst ever) typo bombarded book I've ever read let alone written, not to mention the font irregularities...please don't laugh...It could go in the Guiness Book of Records for most inconsistent text...hopefully the content is fine...lol...can even write that....LAUGH OUT LOUD.
When I first started writing, I was mortified when my typos got into print. Then when I started editing, I realized how wrong I was to be embarrassed about the typos in stuff I'd written.
Writing and editing are such completely different mental processes. I just can't turn on apply a "scrutinize each letter" mindset to words that are coming out of me. "Too close to it" and all that.
I definitely don't have time these days to read any extra stuff. But I don't have to imagine how laughable the typos are. My stuff is shocking that way, too!
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