Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Copy Edit du Jour: Breaking up isn't hard to do

Yesterday I showed a writer friend this passage* from an article I was copy editing about a young couple's courtship:

Supporting each other through their education and in their career dreams has been a vein running through their 10-year relationship that continues today as Jones pursues her dreams of becoming a licensed psychiatrist.

After graduating from the New York-based Cornell University where Wilson earned a degree in chemistry and Jones earning multiple degrees in accounting, mathematics and psychology, Wilson realized that he did not want to pursue a career in chemistry. He enrolled in NYU to earn another bachelor degree in civil engineering. During this period, Jones decided that she wanted to enter medical school and thus began taking pre-med courses at Princeton.
My friend was shocked. "You really have your work cut out for you," she said. On the contrary, I said. Fixing troubled prose like this usually means just 1. looking for ways to break up unwieldy sentences, 2. looking for unnecessary information that can be cut, and 3. cleaning up wrong verb tenses and awkward constructions. Here's how it looked when I was done.

Throughout their 10-year relationship, the two have supported each other’s education and career goals. Both graduated from Cornell University, Cosby with a degree in chemistry and Jones with multiple degrees in accounting, mathematics and psychology. Soon after, Wilson realized that he did not want to pursue a career in chemistry. He enrolled in NYU to earn another bachelor’s degree, this one in civil engineering. Jones decided that she wanted to enter medical school and began taking pre-med courses at Princeton.

Here, bit by bit, is what I did and why.

Supporting each other through their education and in their career dreams has been a vein running through their 10-year relationship that continues today as Jones pursues her dreams of becoming a licensed psychiatrist.

The main clause of this sentence says "supporting each other has been a vein." Gerund subject, bland verb, abstract complement. I liked what the writer was trying to say here, but she failed to pull it off. So, rather than structure the whole sentence in service to the "vein" idea, I figured it was better to make "supporting" an action instead of a subject: "They have supported each other."

The clause "... that continues today as Jones pursues her dreams of becoming a licensed psychiatrist" contains some worthwhile information -- Jones is working toward a new goal and Wilson's still supporting her. But all that will become clear in the sentences that follow. And in an already unwieldy sentence, the clause was doing more harm than good. So I cut it and let the facts speak for themselves.

The next sentence was a mess:

After graduating from the New York-based Cornell University where Wilson earned a degree in chemistry and Jones earning multiple degrees in accounting, mathematics and psychology, Wilson realized that he did not want to pursue a career in chemistry.

The tense shift is the most glaring problem: "where Wilson earned and Jones earning." But the structure here is bad, too. There's a ton of info crammed into that subordinate clause "After graduating ..." The sentence is supposed to be about Wilson, but writer also used this "after" clause as a place to cram in some info about Jones. It's just too much. So I broke it up into two sentences, one about their education (Both graduated from Cornell University, Wilson with a degree in chemistry and Jones with multiple degrees in accounting, mathematics and psychology) and the other sentence about Wilson's decision (Soon after, Wilson realized that he did not want to pursue a career in chemistry).

The next sentence was almost fine:
He enrolled in NYU to earn another bachelor degree in civil engineering.

I changed bachelor degree to "bachelor's" -- mainly because that's our style. But there was a logic problem, too. "Another bachelor's degree in civil engineering" suggests he already held a civil engineering degree. That wasn't what the writer meant, so I inserted "this one in" for clarity, ending up with: He enrolled in NYU to earn another bachelor's degree, this one in civil engineering.

The final sentence was structured okay, but contained some lard:

During this period, Jones decided that she wanted to enter medical school and thus began taking pre-med courses at Princeton.

"During this period" is unnecessary -- not worth the extra words. And "thus," in my humble opinion, has no business in a feature article. Out it went.

Little fixes aside, this passage mostly needed its sentences broken up. And when you see how making a gerund like "supporting" into a real verb like "support," and when you see how information in an "after" clause can be made into a separate sentence, breaking sentences up is very easy to do.

* I disguised the passage by changing some details.

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Monday, August 23, 2010

Words I'm Looking Up (One in an occasional, cleverly named series on words I'm looking up)

attire


This sentence is from an article I'm editing: "The groom was attired in a '50s-era linen suit."

In my little world, attire always shows up as a noun. "The attire is formal." If I've ever heard it used as a verb, I don't remember it. So I looked it up in Webster's New World, which is the designated dictionary for the publication I'm working for. Lo and behold, it lists attire as a verb first (transitive) and a noun second.

Attire me embarrassed.

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Thursday, August 19, 2010

Changes to the Chicago Manual: Bad News for All You Xerxes Bloggers and Euripides Reporters

The Chicago Manual of Style's new 16th edition is out, complete with updated style rules for book publishers and anyone else who follows this style. Some major style changes are here.

Per Chicago,

* web now takes a lowercase W, even though Internet and World Wide Web are still treated as proper names;
* you now capitalize the S in street when writing "at the intersection of Maple and Main Streets";
* iPod now gets a lowercase I when it begins a sentence; and, my favorite:
* "Names ending with an 'eez' sound - Names like Xerxes or Euripides now form the possessive in the usual way—with an apostrophe s. (When these forms are spoken, however, the additional s is generally not pronounced.)"

Again, that's for people who follow the Chicago Manual. All you AP Stylebook devotees can go back to puzzling over why Chicago continues to put so much focus on Xerxes and Euripides.

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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Wonderings and Googlings (Wherein I wonder about words, then I Google them)

chaise longue = 984,000 hits
chaise lounge = 1,430,000 hits


"Chaise lounge" is one of those terms that gets sticklers up in arms. It should be "chaise longue," literally "long chair" in French, they say. And dictionaries clearly prefer "longue."

Under the entry for "chaise" alone, Webster's New World mentions the "longue" option, but does not mention "lounge." Under its listing for "chaise longue," this dictionary doesn't even mention the "lounge" spelling.

But if you look up "chaise lounge," it's in there as a term meaning "chaise longue."

This is on my mind because I came across a "chaise lounge" in an article I was editing yesterday. I changed it, of course. And I'll continue to do so. But it looks like the tide is turning.

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Friday, August 13, 2010

'Each of Whom Visits' or 'Each of Whom Visit'?

Came across this in a USNews & World Report online article today:

The retired couple has a maid and a gardener, each of whom visit once a week.

Should that visit be visits? Well, yes. Each has a singular meaning, so the verb should be singular as well. But in the process of researching this, I found some interesting stuff about each and when it might not be singular. It's a usage note from American Heritage Dictionary:

The traditional rule holds that the subject of a sentence beginning with each is grammatically singular, and the verb and following pronouns
must be singular accordingly: Each of the apartments has (not have) its (not
their) own private entrance (not entrances). When each follows a plural
subject, however, the verb and subsequent pronouns remain in the plural: The
apartments each have their own private entrances (not has its own private
entrance). But when each follows the verb with we as its subject, the
rule has an exception. One may say either We boys have each our own room or We
boys have each his own room, though the latter form may strike readers as
stilted. The expression each and every is likewise followed by a
singular verb and, at least in formal style, by a singular pronoun: Each and
every driver knows (not know) what his or her (not their) job is to be.


We readers have each her own opinion on this ...

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Monday, August 9, 2010

Editors and Their Heart Attack





Imagine you're writing about a gathering of parents of one-child families -- a support group, maybe, or perhaps some kind of political movement. Would it be better to write, “Six hundred parents brought their child” or “six hundred parents brought their children”? The former seems to suggest that six hundred people all share just one kid. The second could be interpreted to mean that some or all of them had multiple kids.

This is not a new issue by any stretch, but it’s one that continues to drive me nuts in my editing work.

Another example: “About two dozen customers had their car serviced” or “… had their cars serviced”?

Another: “Flood victims should read their homeowner policy” or “policies”?

Obviously, you can often sidestep this problem, especially with the word “each.” Six hundred parents attended, each with his or her child in tow.”

But what about when you can’t or just don’t want to?

In theory, I prefer the plural object. Six hundred parents don’t share one child. True, “Six hundred parents brought their children” does not make it clear that each had only one. But at least it doesn’t say all those parents possess a singular child. In other words, it doesn’t explain how the kids are divvied up. But at least you know you’re not divvying up just one.

But then I come across stuff like this Los Angeles Times excerpt, and see it’s not so simple: “The drugs help patients who have had heart attacks” really does sound like each patient had multiple.

The editor in me wants a precise way of dealing with this. The rest of me knows better.


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Thursday, August 5, 2010

Wonderings and Googlings (Wherein I wonder about words, then I Google them)


Came across this sentence in a personal finance article today:

One way crooks steal your name is by swiping preapproved credit offers from your mailbox to open an account.
I haven't heard "swipe" used to mean "steal" in so long I had almost forgotten about it. So I Googled it.

In the first two pages of hits returned, I saw a lot of references to credit cards, a few dictionary and wiki definitions referring to taking a swing at someone, physically or verbally. And even: "The Swipe is one of the most recognizable power moves in breakdance. The breaker leans back, whips his arms to one side to touch the ground, and his legs follow closely behind, twisting 360 degrees to land on the ground once again." (I would have called that the "Not Tonight I Have a Headache," but what do I know?) But not one reference to stealing.

So I guess thieves have had their word stolen from them.

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Monday, August 2, 2010

Words I'm Looking Up (One in an occasional, cleverly named series on words I'm looking up)



bade

I know what bade means. It's the past tense of bid. Today I bid you farewell. Yesterday I bade you farewell.

That's not why I was looking it up. I looked it up because I wanted an official ruling on how to pronounce it.

On the rare occasions when I hear people use this word, they always pronounce it "bad." Seemed like a bad call to me. If they would pronounce it as ryhming with "made," there would be less chance of confusion. After all, "bad" is a very common word but "bayed" is pretty rare (despite the sudden emergence of werewolf chic).

So, at long (long, long) last, I looked it up.

"Bad" news. I was wrong.

Dictionary.com and Webster's New World College both said it's pronounced "bad," not "bayed."

Makes me wanna howl.


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