Hi, this is off topic, but thought you'd get a kick out of this sentence from an old article about Steve Jobs:
"The Apple opportunity, when it surfaced, was ideal, since Apple, seeking a new engine, was attracted to the Next operating system, a technology without a market."
Seems like really choppy comma use, right?
From here: http://www.nytimes.com/1997/01/12/magazine/creating-jobs.html?pagewanted=4&src=pm
Makes me wonder about all the possible alternatives.
Easiest might have been to break it up: "When the Apple opportunity surfaced, the timing was ideal. The company had been seeking a new engine and was eyeing the Next operating system - a technology without a market."
Though I usually prefer chronological order of events:
"The company had been seeking a new engine and was attracted to the Next operating system -- a technology without a market. So when the Apple opportunity surfaced, it was ideal."
Of course, that doesn't address the vagueness of "Apple opportunity" or "was attracted to," but those may have been clear enough in context.
On the other hand, the original Frankensentence got the job done, too. Just kinda choppy.
2 comments:
Hi, this is off topic, but thought you'd get a kick out of this sentence from an old article about Steve Jobs:
"The Apple opportunity, when it surfaced, was ideal, since Apple, seeking a new engine, was attracted to the Next operating system, a technology without a market."
Seems like really choppy comma use, right?
From here:
http://www.nytimes.com/1997/01/12/magazine/creating-jobs.html?pagewanted=4&src=pm
I agree.
Definitely a weird structure:
noun phrase (comma) adverbial phrase (comma) verb phrase (comma) noun phrase (intro'd by conj.) (comma) participial phrase (comma) verb phrase (comma) appositive noun phrase.
Makes me wonder about all the possible alternatives.
Easiest might have been to break it up: "When the Apple opportunity surfaced, the timing was ideal. The company had been seeking a new engine and was eyeing the Next operating system - a technology without a market."
Though I usually prefer chronological order of events:
"The company had been seeking a new engine and was attracted to the Next operating system -- a technology without a market. So when the Apple opportunity surfaced, it was ideal."
Of course, that doesn't address the vagueness of "Apple opportunity" or "was attracted to," but those may have been clear enough in context.
On the other hand, the original
Frankensentence got the job done, too. Just kinda choppy.
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